Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Life Reviewed.
We are back listening to part two now of Alicia's Story. She is one of our alumni moms and Hope House board members. If you've not heard part one of Alicia's story, I highly encourage you to go and listen to that.
Today. We get to hear the rest of that story. And again, just a reminder, Alicia is a survivor of domestic violence and has a really powerful story to share that also can be triggering if you are someone who has experienced domestic violence and may not be an episode that you want to listen to with your children around.
Again, another reminder is also, if you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there's help available. You can call the National Domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233.
[00:00:56] Speaker B: Welcome to life Reviewed, a podcast by Hope House Colorado, where we invite you into conversation with teenage moms and the people who champion them. These stories of struggle overcoming and perspective shifts will challenge you to review life as you've known it. One story, one person, one conversation at a time.
[00:01:22] Speaker A: Welcome back to Life Reviewed. My name is Jenny Macias, the director of partnerships. And today we get to do part two of Alicia's Story.
For those of you just to recap really quick, she was sharing a little bit of her story of domestic violence in the first part of this episode.
And where we left off was Alicia getting her chance to leave. She left Virginia and found a window of time that was able to make it out here. She found out about Hope House, made the call. We told her we'd love to help her if she was able to make it here. And a few days later, she called Hope House, and when she landed and then we got her plugged in. So, Alicia, what happens next after you land at DIA and are now able to be here and you are moving in with your aunt, Right?
[00:02:22] Speaker B: And my best friend and her mom.
[00:02:24] Speaker A: Okay, that's right. That's right. Okay.
[00:02:25] Speaker B: Who's like, my aunt? Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:02:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. So moving in with them in Denver and then. Yeah. I remember you calling me and being like, I'm here. And I remember being shocked of, like, oh, wow, that was quick. Awesome. Like, I'm so excited you're here. Let's do this.
And then what happened?
[00:02:43] Speaker B: Yeah. So new beginnings. Blessings.
I got here to Colorado, called you, and I want to say, like, that following week, you immediately got me set up with orientation.
When I started, I joined the mentoring program, parenting classes in the GED classes. So, yeah, that was like a definitely a breath of fresh air.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:12] Speaker B: Anaya was also introduced to Hope House. I love that her first interaction was just relief. Like, you can just tell the relief that she felt being introduced to Hope House.
Yes. It was, like I said, just a breath of fresh air for us. So, yeah, we came back to Colorado, I want to say. Yeah. A week after we got enrolled into the program.
And then I want to say at the time, we didn't have on site babysitting.
[00:03:45] Speaker A: We didn't. No. So when you started, we were still running things out of the basement of the church next door to the house. We didn't have a resource center yet. We were doing the GED out of the basement of the church. I think we were doing parenting classes over there too. Right.
[00:03:58] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:59] Speaker A: So then we would all go and eat lunch together at the residential house after you guys studied or had class or whatever. But, yeah, we didn't have any early learning yet.
[00:04:09] Speaker B: Yeah. So Apane's mom actually was the one that would look after Anaya. But I was very committed catching the bus. I love that Hope House also provided bus vouchers at the time for me to make the commute. And, yeah, at that point, I was very driven. I was very committed to proving to Hope House that I appreciated this opportunity.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: Yeah. And you were. We noticed, like, you were dedicated. We were so impressed at how dedicated you were at taking the bus coming every day. How long was that bus ride, do you remember?
[00:04:43] Speaker B: Yeah, it was probably like an hour and 20 minutes.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: That is commitment.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: About three buses each way. Yeah.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: That is hardcore commitment to be an hour and 20 minutes, three different buses to catch just to get here, back and forth. So that's like almost three hours of transportation every day.
[00:05:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: That's really impressive. Yeah.
[00:05:04] Speaker B: Yeah. It was worth it. I think what was very impressive for me was the genuine love. Right. Like, that was something I've never experienced from a group of women. So it was almost like, you know, like my addiction. Like, I needed that every day. That vibrant energy, you know, remind me to keep going. So, yeah, joined the GED program. Came for my classes, passed my ged, graduated.
[00:05:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:35] Speaker B: Then I was also introduced to the business partnership. Business partnership program that you guys did.
[00:05:42] Speaker A: Oh, I forgot that you're part of that. Yeah.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: Where I landed my first job with Milinder White as their receptionist. Great company. Great people.
[00:05:53] Speaker A: Yes, they are.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: Yeah. So during that time, I'm just getting established here. Back in Colorado, I was kind of off the radar. A lot of people, like, as far as, like, family and friends, I was back. I really didn't want anyone to know I was back until I got back on my feet completely.
[00:06:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:06:12] Speaker B: So there was still a disconnect from Aniyah's dad. I didn't want him to know where we were. So, yeah, it was very low key.
[00:06:21] Speaker A: What happened when you just to back up a little bit, what happened when he found out that you had just disappeared?
[00:06:28] Speaker B: Well, he definitely was, like, calling around everywhere trying to track me down, but a lot of people didn't know I was back in Colorado. The only people that really knew were the people at Hope House.
[00:06:38] Speaker A: Right.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: And at the time, Payne and her mom.
[00:06:42] Speaker A: Right.
[00:06:42] Speaker B: So that was one of the first places he called to see, and they were like, no, we haven't heard of her. So he.
He searched for a while, and unfortunately, he just didn't have any contact with me.
[00:06:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:57] Speaker B: But he did end up popping up out here, but that was more when I was, like, established in my job with Milinder White. So by that point, I want to say I was probably working there for a couple of months when we found.
[00:07:13] Speaker A: Out that he was back in town.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: Yeah. So he had came back in town trying to find me at this point. And I remember the first time he popped up, I just had missed him actually coming from work. He had went to Payne's mom's house looking for me, and thankfully, I wasn't there.
Then when I did arrive, they were telling me, like, yeah, you know, he came looking. He didn't call. He kind of just popped up. So I kind of knew in that moment, like, he would pop up again. Like, it was just a matter of time.
[00:07:49] Speaker A: Right.
[00:07:49] Speaker B: So sure enough, later that evening, he ended up popping back up.
And I remember just hiding in the room with Anaya, literally with, like, my hand over her mouth, like, don't say anything, you know, which was very hard for her. Right. Because she. She still loves her dad, so she's kind of like, what's going on still. Her dad hearing her dad's voice and not being able to run to him or. Yeah. So that was very hard for her. But she listened to my instructions. You know, I think she fed off the fear that I had and knew, like, this was something serious, that I needed her to cooperate.
[00:08:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
Did she have memories? I know she was so young when you were in Virginia, but did she have memories of any of that?
[00:08:39] Speaker B: Yeah, she does. Till this day, she actually still has memories.
For a period of time when we were out there, she kind of became nonverbal. And when we first came here, I don't know if you guys remember that, I want to say at the time, you guys connected us with a.
Connected her with speech therapy because it got to a point, like, she was so mute, I thought, like, something was scared. Yeah, yeah, it was deeper than that. Like, she.
[00:09:11] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Which can be common as, like, a trauma response for kids that living in an abusive household. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:09:20] Speaker B: So he. He showed up.
[00:09:22] Speaker A: You guys are hiding the room, and she. Yeah, she listened to and stayed quiet. Yeah.
[00:09:27] Speaker B: So at this point, when he did show up, he had went awol. At this point, he just completely left.
So he was kind of, like, trying to stay low key, but also, like, trying to find us. And then, yeah, he started going to, like, everyone's houses and contacting everyone, which kind of, you know, made me fear for the people I love, their safety and what extent he would go to. To track us down. So I had talked to one of the executives that I worked with at the time who was also in the military, because I was just struggling at, like, looking over my shoulder. Like, is he going to walk into my job?
[00:10:11] Speaker A: Right, of course.
[00:10:12] Speaker B: So I remember talking to him. He also had some resources and connections in the military, and he was like, you know, I'm going to kind of like reach out and see what's going on with this guy, like, if he's still in the military. Because at this point. Right. Like, I didn't know.
[00:10:28] Speaker A: Right.
[00:10:29] Speaker B: So that executive reached out to his connections, and that's how I was able to find out that he actually was aw.
[00:10:37] Speaker A: And so he just disappeared from the military.
[00:10:39] Speaker B: Military, yeah, he just disappeared. So that definitely made me more concerned. The executive that I worked with at the time also was like, you know, this is serious. Like, you need to take your safety serious. Especially if he's gone awol, he's not.
[00:10:56] Speaker A: In a good mental headspace.
[00:10:58] Speaker B: Right. Yeah, exactly.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:00] Speaker B: So knowing that and knowing, like, he had access to people I loved, I was like, okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna reach out and just be like, I. We're. Well, you know, and if you want to see our daughter, we're just going to have to go through the courts.
[00:11:17] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: At this point. So I contacted him about it.
He was okay with that. And I mean, he was okay with going to court, but he was also putting a lot of fear in my heart. As far as he was more stabled. He said that he didn't go awol, that he was taking medical leave. Just like, all the excuses. Right. And of course, assured me if I went to court and try to fight for custody that I would lose and he would have our daughter full time.
[00:11:47] Speaker A: Right, Right.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: So I remember coming back and talking to you guys about it at Hope House. Like, I don't even know why I told him I would take him to court. Like, I'm not even prepared for that. Like he can afford a lawyer. Like I can't afford a lawyer.
[00:12:02] Speaker A: Right.
[00:12:03] Speaker B: And you guys ended up connecting me with Julia at that time.
[00:12:07] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:12:08] Speaker B: And Julie helped me file for divorce three times. It was a process. So, yeah, it became a long process. I remember the first couple of times I filed for a divorce and we had set the court dates at that point. He had went back to the military. I don't know really how that worked out for him because we weren't in contact at the time once we established we were gonna go to court. And so, yeah, I had filed for divorce twice in all. Also set a hearing for custody. Both times it was dismissed. Because the first time he requested to do, I think, marriage counseling. And they honored that the second time.
[00:12:56] Speaker A: Even though you were like, no, I'm done.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: Yeah. And mind you, I did my part. I went through the counseling. He never went through the counseling.
[00:13:04] Speaker A: Right.
[00:13:05] Speaker B: So why they honored it the second time around, I'm not sure. So the second time around, I filed for divorce. You know, like, he's not cool cooperating. He didn't take parenting classes.
[00:13:15] Speaker A: Right.
[00:13:15] Speaker B: Healthy relationship classes, anger management classes. He didn't do anything he was supposed to do. Right. So I knew for sure the second time I filed for a divorce and for custody that I would be granted that. But unfortunately, I wasn't. He was getting ready to deploy again for three months. So they were like, no, like, we're. He can't show up. He can't do it virtually. So.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: So we have to wait.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: Yeah, we have to wait. Yeah. So then the third time came around, and this time he had. I want to say, the third time I did it maybe was six to seven months after the second time.
And he had ended up back in Colorado, which I didn't know he was back at that point. So now I'm in my own place. Right. Hop House helped me become self sufficient. They helped me get my first apartment.
[00:14:16] Speaker A: I remember your first apartment. We have to talk about that, too.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: That's so exciting. Yeah. I got my first apartment, was flourishing in my job. Like, everything was finally falling into place. And at that point, he kind of, like, wasn't contacting me as much. You know, deployment kind of put that gap between us. There was lots of Rumors that he had moved on. So I kind of felt like, okay, great, great. Yeah, you've moved on somebody else. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, when he came around this time, I wasn't aware that he was back in Colorado. I actually ended up running into him at, like, a local gathering that I was at with some friends.
And I remember, like, just making eye contact with him and, like, my heart dropping, like, oh, my God, Like, I can't believe he's here.
[00:15:10] Speaker A: Right.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: And he approached me, like, very aggressive. And luckily, there were a lot of people that I knew, men especially, that were in the vicinity, who kind of, like, created that barrier for him not to get too close to me. And I remember letting one of my friends know, like, how uncomfortable I was. And, like, I didn't want him anywhere near me. And they had escorted me to my car, didn't let him come outside.
And I just remember driving off like, oh, my God, this isn't over. Like, he's back. Like, I wasn't expecting that. Like, And I remember the last time he told me if he had to come back, like, what he would do to me.
[00:15:54] Speaker A: Like, just the anxiety must.
[00:15:56] Speaker B: Yeah, the anxiety.
I'm gonna come back. I'm gonna finish this. I'm gonna finish you, you know?
[00:16:01] Speaker A: Right.
[00:16:02] Speaker B: And so, yeah, like, here, all this anxiety and bad memories resurfacing. So I remember I didn't even go home. I actually drove to pain's mom's house. Like, so scared. Like, I'm scared to go home. Like, what if he's having me follow? Like, I don't want him to know where I live.
[00:16:21] Speaker A: Right. I would be terrified, too.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: Yeah, I was very terrified. So I want him to know where I'm living. Yeah. So I ended up going to work the next day, and I told him, like, I was going to need a couple of days to just, you know, gather my thoughts and figure out, like, what my next move was, because I didn't know how long he was in town or if he had been following me because I felt it was, like, very ironic that we ended up in that same space. Right. Anyway, you know, like, that was. It was. I think it was some. One of my friends birthday parties.
[00:16:53] Speaker A: Was he with someone else or was he alone?
[00:16:55] Speaker B: He was with one of his friends.
[00:16:56] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:57] Speaker A: So it feels like maybe this was like you were following me here. Yeah. Yeah. I would wonder the same.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. So my job was like, great, you know, we'll give you a couple of days. The executive that I mentioned earlier, he had continued to do his research so.
[00:17:13] Speaker A: They were so supportive.
[00:17:15] Speaker B: They were very supportive.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: They were amazing.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: And, yeah, felt very protected in that building, too. I mean, it was like, I want to say, like, six to seven executives all retired from the military. So that was definitely a safe space. And they kind of, like, also made me realize, like, he could be suffering from PTSD or he could be bipolar. Like, there's a lot of things that, you know, men go through in the military and women that will affect their mental health. So he never gave up on, like, doing his research.
So he had a conversation with me, and, you know, he educated me a little bit more about, like, his income, and he was just like, are you aware, like, this is his rank? And at that time, he was giving me, I want to say, maybe, like, $150, $200 a month when he felt like it.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:12] Speaker B: So it wasn't something consistent. So, yeah, it was the executive that I worked with that educated me on, like, him, his rank, how much he was actually making, how he was getting housing allowance for being married, all of these things, which definitely frustrated me more, because it's just like, wow, you're all this money. Yeah. You're reaping all these benefits here. I am. I don't qualify for anything because they're going based off both of our incomes, but I'm never actually really knowing what his income is, you know?
[00:18:47] Speaker A: Right. And we're. I'm trying to get this divorce and keep getting denied.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: And that was really hard, too, because the courts just weren't on my side with that. Like, I was constantly being told that I just wasn't being a supportive wife.
[00:19:01] Speaker A: And that courts in Colorado were telling you that.
[00:19:03] Speaker B: Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So I was really grateful for Hope House and Julie, because, like I said, Julie went through that paperwork with me three times.
[00:19:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: And, I mean, she was amazing. I'm sure anyone who knows what going through a divorce is, like, how time consuming that is.
[00:19:20] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. It is quite the process.
[00:19:22] Speaker B: Yeah. She helped me file the paperwork three times.
[00:19:26] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:19:26] Speaker B: So this is when we're working on the third time around. Right. Okay.
[00:19:31] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:19:32] Speaker B: So now I have more information. After the executive told me, like, what his rank is, and I'm like, okay. I took those couple of days off of work. My stepdad at the time, we had reconnected, and he was very concerned. So he was like, you know, just pay attention to your surroundings, you know, and definitely create, like, a safe space and a safe word. He was like, if you have to text or something. So I remember creating a safe word with my dad, if I text him the safe word, I can't remember what it was, but I would, like. I would knew trouble. Yeah. So, yeah, one night, me and Anaya's home, and I get a phone call from an unknown caller, and it's her dad. And he is telling me that he is outside of the apartment. And I'm like, oh, no.
So he apparently found out where I lived from one of my aunts. Unfortunately, me and her did not have the best relationship at that time, and he was able to finesse her into giving her giving him my information.
[00:20:46] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:20:46] Speaker B: So I didn't believe him when he said it. Like, my heart kind of dropped. And then he's like, yeah, like, look out the window. And I remember looking out the window and, like, seeing him on the curb. So I text my dad the safe word. My dad immediately got over there. By the time my dad got over there, he was no longer there. So me and my dad went down to the police station, and my dad was like, we need to make a restraining order against him.
[00:21:13] Speaker A: Yep. Yep.
[00:21:14] Speaker B: And they would not allow me to make a restraining order against him. They pretty much told us that the text messages and voice messages that he was leaving me was hearsay. Like, they can't necessarily prove it was him, so. And that was, like, very discouraging as well, because before we mentioned he was in the military, they were very cooperative. They were very concerned for me. And then the moment I mentioned he was in the military, it was almost like the same situation with going through the court system, like, oh, well, what is the issue? And, like, how are you having issues with him if he just was on deployment or if he's stationed in another state?
[00:21:59] Speaker A: So fascinating that every time you bring up that he's in the military, it's like, all of a sudden, people back away, like, they're scared. Yeah, that's been a theme.
[00:22:09] Speaker B: Yeah, it was very hard. So they ended up taking his contact information and mentioned that they would reach out to him just to get a statement from him, and that was it. They pretty much dismissed me and my stepdad. He was very frustrated. So, I mean, he did kind of cause the scene and just was like, you guys are gonna let her walk out? Like, you know, if something happens to her, like, this is on you guys. Like, you guys aren't serving and protecting, you know, and we're telling you what he's capable of.
[00:22:42] Speaker A: Right?
[00:22:42] Speaker B: So, yeah, my. I just remember my dad crying and hugging me and telling me, like, I'm sorry. Like, I don't Know, like, what we have to do to protect you guys, but we'll do our best.
[00:22:54] Speaker A: Right.
[00:22:55] Speaker B: But he was like, now, you know, like, the police aren't on your side. Like, they're not going to help protect you.
[00:23:00] Speaker A: Right.
[00:23:01] Speaker B: So I remember just feeling like, well, if they can't protect me, how is anyone else gonna protect me?
[00:23:07] Speaker A: Right. Like, I feel a little defeating.
[00:23:09] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, so in that moment, I just kind of, like, I accepted my fate, and I was just like, you know, if this is what is gonna happen, it's gonna happen. It's in God's hand now. So we walked out of the police station, and a police officer followed us out who had overheard the conversation.
And he had asked me if Ania dad ever approached me in my vehicle or when I'm at my vehicle. And I'm like. I explained how I seen him at the party, and, yeah, he would have tried to approach me at my vehicle. So the police officer was just like, well, you're allowed to protect yourself at your vehicle as well. Your vehicle is your property. And he was like, so I don't know if you were aware of that, but, like, I just want you to know that for future references. So I thanked him. My dad thanked him, and he gave me his card and was like, you know, if there's anything else I can do or if you do come in contact with him, like, you can reach out.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: That's good.
[00:24:14] Speaker B: So that made me feel a little better. Right.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: Right.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: So, yeah, I want to say, I don't know how much longer after that, that the court date was set, and he was supposed to come to court for the marriage and, well, for the divorce and for the parenting order that they were trying to put in place.
[00:24:44] Speaker A: Right.
[00:24:45] Speaker B: And he didn't come to court. So this time the judge had ruled it as abandonment.
[00:24:51] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:24:52] Speaker B: Yeah. So the judge was just like. Yeah, like, this is the third time. Like, we couldn't. This couldn't. This wasn't successful, you know, like, so he was like, we're gonna rule this as abandonment and give you what you want. Fabulous.
Yeah.
[00:25:09] Speaker A: What was it that you were asking.
[00:25:11] Speaker B: For at that time? I was just asking for the divorce in full custody of my daughter at that point.
[00:25:16] Speaker A: Good. So they gave that to you.
[00:25:17] Speaker B: Yeah. But then the judge had also offered, like, do you need spousal support? Do you want any of the vehicles? I mean, he had, like, seven vehicles in his name that I didn't even know about. Oh, my goodness. Three houses that I didn't know about. He had purchased three houses in different states. Like, he had a lot of assets that I wasn't aware of. Wow. So the judge had started to bring those things up. And I remember, like, just saying, like, no, I don't want any of that. Like, I just want the divorce in full custody of my daughter.
[00:25:50] Speaker A: That's when I move on with my life.
[00:25:51] Speaker B: Yeah. So I remember the judge making me and Julie take a break. And Julie was also trying to talk to me, and she's like, are you sure? Like, you know, you're kind of already struggling, like, you need this support.
[00:26:03] Speaker A: Right.
[00:26:03] Speaker B: But all I could remember was feeling like if I accepted anything materialistic wise, that that would be a reason for him to come after me.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:26:14] Speaker B: So I.
[00:26:15] Speaker A: Or just there's still connection points that, like, keeps him tied to a little bit.
[00:26:19] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:26:19] Speaker A: Yep. Yep.
[00:26:20] Speaker B: So I was just like, no, like, I just want my freedom. I want completely out. I just want a divorce, and I want. Want full custody of my daughter. That's it. He can have everything else.
[00:26:30] Speaker A: Right. I don't blame you.
[00:26:31] Speaker B: So, yeah, we came back from the recess, and the judge was just kind of blown away. She was just like, I've never had a case like this where someone walked away, like, wanting nothing after being offered that. And she asked if I needed more time to think about it. And I was just like, no, just please, just give me the divorce and give me full custody. So I was granted that. She told me that she would send the paperwork to him in the mail and that would be that.
The day after court, I was heading down to Payne's house to drop Aniyah off to her mom because her mom would watch her when I would go to school, not when I would go to school. I'm sorry. When I would go to work. Yeah.
And after I had dropped her off, I remember. I don't know where I stopped. I might have stopped somewhere to grab breakfast or something, like a drive through or something. But I remember being on my phone, and I'm on my phone, like, not paying attention, and someone hops in my passenger seat, and it's him.
[00:27:39] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:27:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
So my heart just, like, drops. Right?
[00:27:44] Speaker A: Like, oh, my goodness.
[00:27:46] Speaker B: Holy crap. You know?
And he's just, like, furious, like, grabs me, and he's just like, how dare you try to take me to court? And he was like, they're still not gonna give you, like, custody or anything. So at this point, he's not even aware.
[00:28:02] Speaker A: Like, he hasn't gotten the paperwork yet. Like, he hasn't gotten the paperwork.
[00:28:06] Speaker B: Yeah. This is like, A day later, Two days later.
[00:28:09] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:28:09] Speaker B: So he's not even aware that, you know, that they granted the divorce and full custody.
[00:28:16] Speaker A: Full custody, yeah.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: And I'm definitely afraid to bring it up in this moment, so I'm kind of just.
[00:28:19] Speaker A: I would be like, do I say something? Do I not say something?
[00:28:22] Speaker B: Like, yeah. So I'm kind of just shook.
But at this point, like, my dad has given me things to protect myself. Right. So I am knowing, like, this is in my vehicle.
[00:28:31] Speaker A: Right.
[00:28:32] Speaker B: And in that moment, I'm just feeling like it's going to be me or it's going to be him.
[00:28:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:37] Speaker B: You know, and I know that he always, you know, carried a firearm with him. So I'm just, like, just trying to, like, focus on what am I going to do. Like, my last moments, like, I just knew in that moment, like, this is it really, like, you really thought, like, he finally has gotten close to me and we're by ourselves. Right. And I know, like, he was one of those people who. He didn't care what he lost, you know, Like, I knew what he was capable of. So I really, in that moment, thought, like, this is it for me. He's gonna shoot and kill me. Like, after constantly hearing that over and over and over and over again and.
[00:29:18] Speaker A: Just instilling that fear of. I'm not scared to just, like, he.
[00:29:21] Speaker B: Finally got me where he wants me. Right.
So, yeah, I remember, like, he's just yelling at me and he has, like, his left. Left arm, like, around my neck, and he's just, like, furious and yelling and stuff. And his, like, right hand is, like, on the side of him. So I don't really know what's on the right side of him.
[00:29:43] Speaker A: Right.
[00:29:43] Speaker B: In my mind, I'm assuming you're thinking.
[00:29:45] Speaker A: This is where his gun.
[00:29:46] Speaker B: It's a gun. He has his gun.
And on the left is what I have to protect me as well. My dad also had got me a firearm.
[00:29:55] Speaker A: Right.
[00:29:56] Speaker B: So I'm just like, oh, my God, like, it's gonna be me or it's gonna be him. And I'm really thinking it's gonna be me because I've never been in a situation where I have to defend myself to that extent.
[00:30:07] Speaker A: Right.
[00:30:08] Speaker B: And I'm still a lover. You know what I mean?
[00:30:09] Speaker A: Right.
[00:30:09] Speaker B: So I'm just.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: And you're scared, so it's hard to even protect you.
[00:30:13] Speaker B: Like, in that moment, it just wasn't clicking for me to be like, you have to do this to make it out alive. You know what I mean? Yeah.
[00:30:21] Speaker A: I Feel like I would freeze. Yeah, I feel like I would freeze in that minute. I'm like, I know I have this, but I don't know if I could actually.
[00:30:26] Speaker B: Actually use it. Exactly.
So I try to, like, open the door, and he, like, pulls me back, and then he pulls a knife from his right side. So when he pulls the knife, like, in that moment, I knew he didn't have a gun, so I pulled mine. And he just. I just remember he just had this evil grin on his face, and he was just like, wow. He was like, you got me before I got you. And I was just screaming, like, get out of my car. Like, get out of my car, or you're not gonna make it out of this car alive if I have to protect myself. Like, please just get out of my car. And he got out of my car, but he assured me, like, this isn't over. Like, I will see you again.
[00:31:13] Speaker A: Right.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: And even before that, like, just trying to taunt me, like, do it. Like, I want you to do it. And I couldn't do it, obviously. You know what I mean? I still am shook, so scared.
But, yeah, before he got out of my car, he assured me, like, this isn't over. Like, I will get you.
Especially after me doing that. You know what I mean?
[00:31:37] Speaker A: Of course, now he's even more upset.
[00:31:38] Speaker B: He's even more upset. Yeah. So after that happened, I immediately contacted the police. They took a statement. At that point, they did honor a restraining order and mentioned that they would serve that to him.
So I had. I didn't hear from him after that for, I want to say, like, a couple of months. Like, it. He just kind of disappeared. I didn't hear from him. No one talked to him.
His dad hadn't talked to him. So I was a little relieved.
There was rumors that he had went back to his hometown to stay with his mom. So that made me feel a little bit better knowing, like, right, you know, he's in Colorado County.
[00:32:26] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.
[00:32:27] Speaker B: Yeah. And then November 6th, I get a phone call from his mom telling me that he is down there with her and that he had got an honorable discharge from the military. And apparently he had been suffering from, like, ptsd.
And I don't. I think he was diagnosed with something else. I'm not really sure, but he wanted to, like, right his wrongs. Right. And she's like, he's trying to get help, and we're looking to get in, getting him into counseling and things like that down here to get him back on his feet, but she was like, He. He really wants to reconnect with his daughter. Like, he feels like that needs to be, you know, his motivation.
[00:33:17] Speaker A: Right.
[00:33:17] Speaker B: So I was. I was very, very, very, very concerned about that. But I was also going through my healing journey. I had found God, so I knew how important it was to forgive.
[00:33:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:31] Speaker B: And granted, I didn't forget anything. He did. But just to know that his.
A lot of the trauma he dished out to me was because he was suffering mentally. Like, he mentally had something wrong with him.
[00:33:48] Speaker A: You know what I mean? Right.
[00:33:49] Speaker B: So, yeah. Just finding. If I didn't have hope House, let me just say that, because without hope House, I would have never found my faith. I would have never established my relationship with God.
[00:34:00] Speaker A: Right.
[00:34:01] Speaker B: I wouldn't know what forgiveness was.
[00:34:03] Speaker A: Right.
[00:34:04] Speaker B: So at that time, like, I'm blessed. Right. Like, I've made it out of this situation as far as. Yeah.
[00:34:12] Speaker A: I've survived. I'm on my own. Anaya and I are doing okay.
[00:34:16] Speaker B: We're doing great. My daughter's healthy. Like, life is good for us right now. So I was willing to let him talk to his daughter.
[00:34:27] Speaker A: So this is like, phone conversations.
[00:34:29] Speaker B: Yeah. So I told his mom, I'm willing to let him talk to her on the phone, but me and him are going to have to have a conversation first.
[00:34:37] Speaker A: Of course. Yeah. Like, set some boundaries and.
[00:34:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, if this is something that will help him commit to going to counseling and getting the therapy and get better and heal and.
[00:34:48] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:34:49] Speaker B: Then absolute. Like, I. I'm willing to do that. So she was like, great, I'm going to have him call you later. And he called me that night, and we spoke on the phone for almost two hours.
[00:35:03] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:35:03] Speaker B: And that was the first time he, like, ever acknowledged all of the things he had ever done to me.
[00:35:11] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:35:11] Speaker B: And, you know, kind of shared with me, like, his trauma growing up and the people he was surrounding himself with and the substances that he was using. You know what I mean? Like, to put him in a lot of these situations.
And so, yeah, like, that was the first time I've ever heard, like. I'm sorry. That was the first time I've ever heard accountability.
[00:35:35] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:35:36] Speaker B: So I was.
[00:35:37] Speaker A: How did that make you feel?
[00:35:38] Speaker B: It. I really felt relieved.
[00:35:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:40] Speaker B: Because even when you go through this extent of trauma and you're constantly being told, like, it's not you, it's not you.
[00:35:53] Speaker A: Right.
[00:35:54] Speaker B: When you're not the one who fixes that person. Well, for me personally, it still makes me feel like it was something I did or something I could have did. More, you know. Right, well.
[00:36:03] Speaker A: And they. He's telling you that it's you. Right. And so those words just keep rattling around in your brain, even though that's not true, it starts to stick and you start to believe those narratives.
[00:36:13] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So towards the end of the conversation, you know, he actually had thanked me that I stood strong enough to keep me and my daughter away from him because he admitted that he wasn't in the right state of mind and that if he did get to me and my daughter, like he had wanted to, he probably would have killed her, killed me, and then killed himself.
[00:36:38] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:36:38] Speaker B: So he was just like, you know, you did what you were supposed to do.
[00:36:43] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:36:43] Speaker B: And he was realizing all of that and he was like, I need help. Like, I'm going to get help.
[00:36:48] Speaker A: Right.
[00:36:49] Speaker B: And then he had told me that he had received the divorce paperwork and that he had seen that I got full custody of our daughter. And then. Yeah, he just had asked if he completed the rehab program that he was going to go to and did everything on his end if I would reconsider the parenting order.
So I told him, like, yeah, of course. Like, if you do everything you have to do, we can definitely revisit that conversation. But until then, like, you're not going to be able to connect with her.
[00:37:23] Speaker A: Right.
[00:37:23] Speaker B: And physically, you know, like phone calls.
[00:37:26] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:37:26] Speaker B: Yeah. We actually. I need to see that you're actually trying.
[00:37:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:30] Speaker B: So, yeah, he was very grateful for that. We established that that's what it was going to be. He had wanted to talk to her on the phone before we got off the phone, but she was already sleep. We had got off the phone maybe like 10, 11 o'clock at night. Yeah. So he was like, well, can you just have her call me in the morning before she goes to school so I can hear her voice?
So I did do that. The next morning, he didn't answer. She left him a voicemail. And she too was very happy. Like, oh, wow, like, I'm going to get to talk to my dad. Like, he's getting better, you know, because she was just always under the imp impression that her dad was sick. That's pretty much how I summed it up to her, which is, your dad is sick.
[00:38:09] Speaker A: Yeah. He's going, how old was she at this. When she's now at this point, she.
[00:38:14] Speaker B: Is like, I want to say seven or eight.
[00:38:17] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, yeah.
[00:38:20] Speaker B: So she called, she left him a voicemail, dropped her off at school. He ended up calling back. And I'm like, yeah, you missed her. He had told me that he had overslept and to have her call him when she got out of school. So I'm like, okay, great.
I went to work that day and got off probably like around six in the evening. I hadn't picked Anaya up yet. My sister had actually picked Anaya and my nieces up from school. So I was waiting for Anaya to get home, and I was on the phone with someone else, and his parents kept calling me back to back, both of them, and. And I didn't answer the phone because of who I was on the phone with. And I was just like, oh, I'll call them back. Because they had a habit of, like, going at each other's throats anyway. So I'm like, you know, they don't want anything.
After I got off my phone call, I ended up calling his dad back, and his dad didn't answer. So I called his mom back. And I will never forget the phone call with his mom calling. When I called her back and she answered, she just, like, kept screaming like, he's gone, Brandon.
And I was just like, what? Like, what do you mean? Like, what happened? Was there, like an accident?
And she, like, couldn't even get it out. She's just like, he's gone. Like, he's dead. He's no longer with us.
And I remember just like, telling her, like, I have to call you back. Like, right. I have to process the shock of. Yeah, like, what you just said to me.
And I ended up contacting his dad, and his dad assured, like, yeah. That he's no longer with us. And unfortunately, it's looking like he. He took his own life. So that was just a shock.
[00:40:20] Speaker A: Right.
[00:40:20] Speaker B: You know, like, to.
[00:40:22] Speaker A: Especially after just the night before.
[00:40:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, you had this conversation, you know.
[00:40:28] Speaker A: Which is, I think, kind of a God thing. Right. That you got. You got all this closure and this validation for him apologizing and Oni's behavior of the hell that he put you through. And interesting that after he had done that and had the closure and was able to give you this apology.
[00:40:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:40:52] Speaker A: That the next day was.
[00:40:53] Speaker B: Yeah. And I mean, until this day, like, it's not like he left a note or anything behind.
I. I don't know. I feel the same way. Like, I don't know what. What clicked for him that next day, like, what set him off, you know, But I was very thankful that he did give me the closure I needed before it happened. Because I think about life now. Like, would I be able to even continue on if I didn't have that closure. That was, like, something I really needed.
[00:41:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:27] Speaker B: So I was definitely. Granted the circumstances were very horrible and tragic, but I was super grateful that he gave me that closure.
[00:41:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Absolutely.
[00:41:39] Speaker B: And, yeah, I. So I share this story, and I know it's a very graphic story, but this takes me all the way back to Hope House. Like, if you didn't answer that phone and was like, if you can make it here, we will change your life.
[00:42:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:01] Speaker B: I don't know where me and my daughter would be, especially after him giving me that closure and him telling me, like, yeah, like, if you didn't stay strong and you didn't get away from me, like, I would have hurt you guys, too, because he was hurting himself, and he went to the extent to completely take his own life.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: You know, he had so many demons. Yeah.
[00:42:21] Speaker B: Yeah. So I. Yeah, I share my story, and I always encourage young women to find a safe space like Hope House because there's not a lot of places in this world. A lot. And I like to think of it as my sanctuary. You know what I mean? And a lot of people don't have the. Have that in this world where you can come to a place that gives you all of these resources and gives you all of this genuine love and really protects you.
[00:42:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:52] Speaker B: I say it all the time. You guys are heroes. Because when we bring our baggage in that front door, you guys are putting your lives on the line for us, too. You don't know who is chasing us when we're coming through that door, you know?
[00:43:08] Speaker A: Right.
[00:43:09] Speaker B: So I'm very, very, very grateful for Hope House. You guys will always be my family and a part of my growth.
And it's a beautiful thing to see how much it's grown and how many moms you guys have touched, how many children you have touc. And what. I've been affiliated with you guys for well over a decade.
[00:43:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:37] Speaker B: And I can still come back to Hope House and find the same happiness I found when I walked in that door over a decade ago.
[00:43:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:48] Speaker B: I just want all of the young moms. It doesn't matter how old you are, Women in general who are out there, like, if you need a safe space, if you need genuine love, if you are really ready to wake up and be like, you know what? I don't want this for myself anymore, and I want a better life.
Without a doubt. Put your trust in Hope House.
[00:44:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:11] Speaker B: Because this village is like no other till this day. I have yet to find another organization that really leads with love. And God has really Protected this organization. And you guys are a true reflection of that. You know, like, I literally tell my friends this all the time. Like, if God was in physical form, it would definitely be Hope House. It would definitely be Hope House. Like, wow.
[00:44:42] Speaker A: Well, thank you.
[00:44:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:46] Speaker A: It's funny to hear you call, like, Hope House, like, the staff at Hope House, like, we're superheroes, because I always think. Think of our teen moms as superheroes. And you, like, Alicia, you are a superhero. And for us, just, it's like, our privilege and honor to just do whatever we can to be able to provide the support and the love and, like, I'm so glad that you found that at Hope House. I think.
What are other things that were helpful to you as you're, like, heal in your healing journey? Just actual, like, practical things that you've done for people or women that are. Maybe they're not a teen mom and couldn't be at Hope House? Like, what are things that you would encourage them to do to help with that healing if they're trying to get on the other side or escape from a domestic violence relationship?
[00:45:33] Speaker B: Find your voice.
First and foremost, find your voice, Give yourself grace, and find a safe space. And like I said, if you don't have a safe space, find your way to Hope House.
[00:45:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:50] Speaker B: And that alone will help you build the foundation you need to fight against anything that is sent to destroy you. You know what I mean?
[00:46:01] Speaker A: Right.
[00:46:02] Speaker B: And sharing your story is important, too. Like, I hope.
I hope for the women that are out there who feel like they can't, like, talk to anybody at all.
Find one person you can talk to. Find me. Yeah, you can find me through Hope. Call Hope House and be like, where is that girl from?
[00:46:24] Speaker A: I need to talk to her.
[00:46:25] Speaker B: Talk to you.
I will be your safe space. Yes.
[00:46:29] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:46:31] Speaker B: Really. Just trust God, trust the process, and don't let anyone silence you, no matter how scary it can be in that moment. Like, once you find your voice in your safe space, like, there's nothing that can stop you.
[00:46:50] Speaker A: Do you feel like when you find your voice and share that with someone, that it's like you taking your power back a little bit?
[00:46:58] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:46:58] Speaker A: And I think also in that same vein, like, you're sharing your story, but then it's allowing someone else to give you that encouragement and just, like, you're incredible. And to hear. Get that affirmation from someone maybe for the first time of, I'm brave enough to share this. And sometimes women going through that, you feel so small and like you are nothing and to be brave enough to share the story and for someone to tell you, do you realize how incredible you are? And to have maybe never heard that before or thought about it that way, I think is also really powerful. And there's can be a lot of healing. Healing in that too. So I love your, like, suggestion of, like, find your voice, share your story with a safe person who then can be a part of that, like, healing for you.
[00:47:45] Speaker B: Yeah. And really remember you're doing it for you and your children.
[00:47:49] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:47:49] Speaker B: Right. Like, it took a long time for me to even feel comfortable sharing my story and continuing to share my story after he passed away, because I've gotten a lot of backlash about it. Like, well, he's no longer here. He's not here to speak for himself. And you know, you. It's your story and it's just like, nope. And I let that stop me for a long time, you know, and nope, that what that. So that is something I would encourage women not to do. Like, don't let anyone silence you. Your story is your story. Your truth is your truth.
[00:48:27] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:48:28] Speaker B: And your truth will help other people. People get through what they are going through as well.
[00:48:33] Speaker A: It's exactly right. And you being so brave and willing to share your story today, I think it's going to bring so much hope and encouragement and inspiration to our listeners.
So give us a snapshot of, like, you've been through all this craziness in your life and come out the other side and are thriving and in this great space. So give us kind of a snapshot of what your life looks like now.
[00:48:57] Speaker B: Life is great. I'm blessed. I still have Anaya. I was blessed from a previous relationship. I gained a son.
Not biologically mine, but definitely mine.
[00:49:10] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:49:10] Speaker B: He's a year younger than Anaya. His name is Ajai.
Definitely completed my heart. Like, I always wanted a son. So he is literally the perfect little boy.
[00:49:25] Speaker A: And how old is he?
[00:49:26] Speaker B: He is. Is 14. Okay. Anaya is 15.
And yeah. Everything I ever wanted in a son. He is that a. We have three French bulldogs. They are. I like to think of them as my fur babies. Of course, I don't see myself having any more children. So.
[00:49:44] Speaker A: Right.
[00:49:45] Speaker B: Probably keep having French bulldogs and flourishing with work. I've been with. Now my company is called Brady Plus.
I am an account manager that oversees all of our network accounts. And prior to us merging with Brady plus, we were called Waxy Sanitary Supply. So I've been with the company since 2016.
[00:50:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:10] Speaker B: So I am grateful for the growth. Growing every Year.
Love the company, love the people that I work with. Great career. And then, yeah, I'm also doing a lot of work in the community as well. I stood on the board of another nonprofit called Dawn. We help grade school girls become self sufficient.
[00:50:29] Speaker A: Fabulous.
[00:50:30] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm also one of the board of directors at Hope House now. Also grateful for that opportunity. Being able to just set aside so many successful and powerful people who are continuing to help build this beautiful foundation, you know, and in my spare time, healing. Healing is something that you have to do every single day.
[00:50:58] Speaker A: Yeah. I think that should be a lifelong journey, literally for everyone. That's why I tell our moms all the time, I'm like, it doesn't matter who you are or what you've been through. We all have stuff. Right. And you need like therapy is just, should be just part of your life because it just, we all can learn and grow and there's always healing that can happen. And I think it's so important.
[00:51:21] Speaker B: Yeah. So nature reading, writing.
[00:51:24] Speaker A: Yes. Oh, yes.
[00:51:25] Speaker B: Art galleries, all of those things bring me so much.
[00:51:28] Speaker A: All those good self care things.
[00:51:29] Speaker B: I'm grateful. Life is good for me right now and I'm just looking forward to the future. Creating more great memories.
My daughter is growing up. I can't believe she's 15. She's a sophomore now.
[00:51:44] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:51:45] Speaker B: Yeah. So, you know, a couple more years before she's off to college, which is crazy.
[00:51:51] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. Well, we are so grateful to have you on the board because you get to be the teen mom voice. Really? On the board. Right. You're our first alumni Hope House mom that we've asked to be on the board. And it's so cool to have one of our moms who's like, you've experienced all the things at Hope House. You've watched the growth happen. But then, you know, you talk about how cool you to be in this room with all of the like, professionals, but you are one of those and you're kind of, in my opinion, one of the most important seats at the table to ensure that, like, we continue to do right by all the teen moms that we serve at Hope House. And that that never changes, that it continues to be this safe place for all these moms. Just like it was for you when you found us so many years ago.
[00:52:36] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:52:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
Well, Alicia, anything else you want to share before we close off?
[00:52:43] Speaker B: I just want to thank you guys for giving me the opportunity for always giving me platform to speak my truth and share my story, you know?
[00:52:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Thank you for sharing your story. We love you, too, so much. Oh my gosh. Well, it's been so fun to hear this story from you and for our listeners. Alicia put it out there. If anyone wants to talk to her, reach out to Hope House and we'll connect you. If you need someone to share your story with, a safe person who will get it and can empathize and provide so much encouragement, she's your gal, so you know how to find us.
Thank you everyone, for listening. Have a great day.
I didn't know about you, about.
