Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to Life Reviewed, a podcast by Hope House Colorado, where we invite you into conversation with teenage moms and the people who champion them. These stories of struggle, overcoming, and perspective shifts will challenge you to review life as you've known it. One story, one person, one conversation at a time.
Hello, everybody. This is Lisa, Stephen, and I'm so excited to be here today on our podcast, Life Reviewed. And I have such a special guest today. I'm just so honored to get to spend time with Steven Bargetze, who will tell you he's not famous, but I think he is. So I feel really honored to be in the same room with him to hear a little bit about his story, his family.
You've probably heard of his fairly famous son, Nate Bargetze, but it's not just all about Nate. Today we get to talk about Stephen and his background and the beautiful work that you do making people laugh and just bringing love and joy everywhere you go.
[00:01:05] Speaker B: Somewhat. It's the process of what made Nate.
[00:01:07] Speaker A: There you go.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: And how did Nate become Nate, too? And all my kids and everything.
You know, it's about breaking those cycles in your life and being different.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah. And thank you so much for, you know, for me being a former teen mom. And I grew up in a household that was highly chaotic and a lot of abuse and an alcoholic father.
And so I got to hear a little, you know, read a little bit about your story and thank you for being open to and willing to share, because those are personal and intimate things in our life. But, yeah, gosh, if you don't mind, maybe we can start there, like, talking a little bit about where you came from and.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: Right. And believe me, I.
I wouldn't change a thing in my life. I really wouldn't. And just because.
Made you strong. It made you. It's everything. Who we are and who the baguettes are and. And everything when I was.
I didn't. I just actually thought of this. My mom got pregnant as a teen and then moved out of Nashville to Louisville. And that's where then my father and them came and got married. That's where I grew up. And when I was really young, I was taken to daycare in a Bowden alley and accidentally placed in the wrong room.
And it was where a guard dog was a bulldog. And he bit me. That's why you don't have to adjust the radio. This is the way I talk. This is it.
So he tore from my face and tore my jaw open and took part of my tongue. I had six years of plastic surgery, the ones that make you handsome.
You can tell Lisa that work, but you know, they take skin the part of your body and they kind of just refix your face. And most of my face is my butt, but it looks great. I just, I have bad breath, you know, But I was that kid in school. So I grew up not only with all the problems that my parents were having and dealing with all the things they had to deal with, but, but I was, I had a real bad speech problem. Still do have some. Not as noticeable, but I know it, I can hear it. And I really pray when. You know what, for a long time, I think all the time. When I get to heaven and we get this new body and we become who we are. I hope God allows me to keep talking this way because it's the way. It's exactly who we are. And you know, it is who. It's me. And so I've always been this way. But as a kid I thought I was, you know, I just, I was real nervous. I wouldn't talk in school. I didn't say anything. I didn't read those letters and stuff. I was failed and put in special ed because of the, of my speech and everything. And I just, I wasn't, I was never stupid, I don't think, but I thought I was.
And I just never. Why would I try? It was so easy in there. I didn't have to do anything. So I stayed. Special ed classes almost all the way through high school and everything and. But eventually I would go to college and, and with, from my cousin and family, my wife, everybody. So it all worked out, you know that. But that was just kind of the background. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and you know, I don't, I used to talk way too much about it because you can't answer. But my mom, me and my mom never got along. And for some reason, I mean, you know, now I know way more than I probably should have known. But I didn't know. I just knew she didn't like me. She used to tell me that she didn't like me and she told me that I was her biggest mistake of her life more than once.
So I grew up thinking that you're just a big mistake and my brothers and sisters are all smart and do all that. And I was not smart. I was in the dumb class.
They were right handed. I was the only left handed person and I didn't, I mean, as a kid you don't know that it's okay to be left handed. I thought, man, you're so stupid. You don't even know how to use your right hand.
And so I didn't play a lot of sports and do things when I was young because of that.
Because I was afraid I had to learn how to use my right hand.
And.
But I think part of one. Part of my. I don't know why I'm jumping around all of this stuff, but I remember I had some teachers. I had a teacher and the first man teacher I ever had. I went to Catholic schools and that I came in the gym with special ed. We would get the gym a little earlier than everybody else, but we had. Everything was together and PE and he asked me to throw a ball to him. He was cleaning up, and when I threw it, I threw it. I thought if I throw it with my left hand, he'll hit me like the nuns. And so I figured he could hit harder than the nun. So I threw it with my right hand. And about the time everybody was coming in, I tried to throw this ball way down there to him. And he just goes, you throw like a girl.
And so that's what I thought. I thought, man, you thought like a girl. You do all this stuff. Yeah, but it just. It's amazing how little stories, little things like that can affect you as a kid and what you do. I later had a teacher that came in high school that came. And they used to come in special ed. And we'd have to clean the cafeteria. We had to clean rocks off the football field. We just did manual labor all the time in school. But she made us be in a play because they needed extras. And Sherry Branstadder, I know she's out there. I'm going to find her one day.
But they needed a kid to be in his underwear and dance around in this play. And none of the cruel kids would do it. And we were just there for background, okay. And she looked at me, she said, hey, you're funny, and would you do it? And I go, you bet I will. And she wanted me. I had to say a line. And I wouldn't do the line because I stuttered, I stammered.
But so she found some kid that she figured out a way. So somebody else said the line. And all I had to do was dance in my underwear and goof off. And I became a.
You know, it changed my life, what I do for a living. So just, you know, you feel like a girl. Hey, you're funny. How simple.
How much it changed my life.
[00:07:23] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:07:24] Speaker B: But as a teenager, I tried to take my life terrible. And the biggest mistake Any human could ever make. But I didn't see another way.
[00:07:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: And I. Be honest.
[00:07:33] Speaker A: Really.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: Well, I wanted to hurt my parents.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:35] Speaker B: I thought this will hurt them. Get that it didn't. And had no effect on them or anything like that.
But I ended up just kind of living on and off. I would run away a lot as a kid. Always came back and. But finally, when I was about 17, I came home and my clothes were in. All in the backyard in a garbage bag. So pretty much my half of my last senior year, I lived in different people's homes. Sometimes on the street, sometimes whatever. And then didn't know this, but my father called my cousin Ron Bargetti. He was a coach at Vanderbilt who lived in Nashville.
And I didn't find this out to my dad's funeral. And. But all I know is he came up. Came. Showed up one day.
[00:08:19] Speaker A: Oh, gosh.
[00:08:20] Speaker B: And he asked me to come live with him. And I was living. I had nowhere to live. So. Shoot. Yeah. And.
And he was the first really Christian man I ever been around that I ever saw that really lived his faith and everything. And.
And it was his wife, that Melinda, that made me cry. She was the first mom, the first woman that ever really just loved me for who I was. I didn't. Didn't matter.
And I remember I. My.
I was. And don't think I was. I was not a good kid. I wasn't a good son. And I did terrible things. And I stole a car once and ended up. They had to come get me out of jail. And they beat me up really bad. And I had to have surgery to fix what they did. But Ronnie got me the surgery I needed. And I just remember one day, really early, I had not lived with them very long. And Melinda came and told me.
She said, what are you.
She said, you stink. You haven't had a. I go, how can I take a shower? My arm was all tied up. And she said, go put some gym trunks on. She ran a bath and she gave me a. She. She bathed me. But what I remember is just that why is this lady. I don't even know her.
And why is she touching? Why? Why. Who would do that for anybody? And. And it was the first time I really felt like unconditionally loved and cared for. And I once lied to her about where I was at one time. And she cried.
[00:09:56] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:09:57] Speaker B: And I just. I never. You know, hours are going to hit me. Pick up a belt and beat the crap out of me. I could take that. But now I can't. Take crying.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:06] Speaker B: And I would never lie to her again or say anything. It was, it was just life changing. And that family right there, there would be no Nate Burgazi. There would be no Abigail and Derek and all of that within if it wasn't for all of that for them. But also my wife Carol is a big part. We met and I'm talking way so much.
[00:10:30] Speaker A: You're totally fine. I'm just wrapped.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: I.
I met her in the eighth grade with like a Do you like me? Letter check. Yes or no.
And I sent 17 of them out, got that one back and.
But we've been boyfriend girlfri ever since November. We'd be married 50 years.
[00:10:51] Speaker A: 50 years. Congratulations. That's beautiful.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: But she had a dysfunctional home too.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: With her father. Both of my. Her father, My father was alcohol stream alcoholics. And hers was, I thought, way more abusive than my mom was. Just get drunk and just pass whatever.
Had no relationships. But him, he was very mean, I thought. But they love him. And she got five. She's got five sisters and them. And they would go to bat for him all the time. But so she, she, she was awesome. And we just. It was just me and her trying to learn how to do that.
[00:11:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:28] Speaker B: And at this time, I didn't really go up in a church, but. But that was part of the deal living with Ronnie was I had to go to church.
[00:11:36] Speaker A: And I think I like Ronnie.
[00:11:38] Speaker B: Yeah.
Smart man. And.
And it, you know, that was like. At first I couldn't understand God because I. Because Heavenly Father was a father. And so I thought, I can't relate. Yeah, you have to go. All right. I guess I have to do make him like me. So I spent a long time trying to earn God's love and, you know, was always afraid he's erasing my name as we talk, you know, that, you know, I might have curse word. I might have done something dumb. And so I worked really, really hard on being a Christian and what. What I thought that meant and what it did and, And I don't regret anything that I did.
But of course we know that.
It wasn't until I learned about the grace of God that I was able to give out grace.
[00:12:24] Speaker A: Gosh, I. I mean, just listening to your story. Thank you for sharing so much. I mean, there are so many parallels to our mamas, and clearly you're a man, so you're not a teen mom. But so many of our teen moms have had those types of, you know, pretty traumatic backgrounds. And the whole idea of the Things that people say to us and how they stick with us and can shape us and what a difference it makes when someone just gives you an encouragement. And oftentimes at Hope House, if we're just able to like, point out the beautiful things about you, the strong and bold and beautiful things about our moms, it's maybe sometimes the first time they've heard someone say, wow, you're really gifted at that.
And you're so you're chosen. And for us, we believe our mamas are chosen to be their baby's mother.
And you didn't really get to experience that with your mom. But if you're open to sharing a little bit about. I mean, one of the things I loved that I got to hear about your family is that your daughter Abigail was a teen mom.
[00:13:28] Speaker B: Yes, she was.
[00:13:28] Speaker A: Gosh, I hope I get to meet her one day because I just love grown up teen moms. I can relate as a former teen mom. And maybe you can share a little bit about Abigail.
[00:13:38] Speaker B: Just what I would. I want teen moms, I want you to know that your fathers are not perfect.
And so many of us come from broken things too, right? You know, my house, it was broken. My mom didn't know how to be a mom, and my father and I had nobody to teach us how to do this right. And it was definitely a God thing. And the thing with Abigail and God gave me Nate first and then Derek two boys. And boys are just so different. You just go out in the yard and run around. And it was a time in my career where I was not as I was busy, but not as busy. I wasn't traveling, like going to Vegas and doing all things and stuff like that.
But then everything, when Abigail came along, you're a little bit tired.
But also my lacuya was taking off in ways I had to do. I made a choice when Nathan and then was young, I had a chance to move to Vegas for shows and I turned it down because I didn't want with my family growing up there.
[00:14:40] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:14:41] Speaker B: And I said, you know, my. It wasn't important for my. It was more important me for my kids. But I always felt like, I mean, as a father, I felt like with Abigail, I kind of went, okay, everything's going great. And I don't. I always felt like I wasn't the father that she needed.
And I never, you know, hard to explain, but I felt like it was my fault. And I felt like that if I would have just been a better father and been able to give her more love and care, let her know that I'm there for her and all this stuff, that maybe she wouldn't have found herself in that situation.
But I just remember when Abigail had to tell me, and I don't even know if Abigail even knows this, but my wife, smart lady, was smart enough to call and tell me. She said, abigail's going to call you. And I was in Vegas trying to come home, and I just gotten home from there. And she goes, she needs to tell you. She's going to tell you that she's pregnant.
And so I had a little bit of time, not a lot, you know, half a day to think about what to say and what I was going to do. And I know for her, it had to be so hard for her to tell me that because we had so many things. Abigail's so smart, she's so talented. She had everything. She had the whole world. She had scholarship to go be cheerleaders and college. She could do anything she wanted to do. And in this was going to. She didn't know what it was going to go in her life. But I just remember God giving me the right words to say and what I told her, I mean, her first words to me was, dad, I made a mistake and that I'm pregnant.
And my first word to her was, we will never call your baby a mistake.
[00:16:32] Speaker A: Oh, that's.
You're gonna make me cry.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: Well, oh, it's not. Her baby has never been a mistake. There's not one baby on earth that's a mistake. There's not one thing. And that's what I was called all my life. And we were not going to do that and we never have. And he's not. He's awesome.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Well, for all of the, you know, maybe sadness or discouragement, you felt that maybe you weren't where you needed to be when you needed to be. Those words in that moment were.
I can only imagine having been a teen mom and having to tell my parents and my in laws, who I actually was more scared to tell because I really respected them.
Those words had to have meant the entire world to her because those are words of encouragement and hope and you're not alone. And I think that's the thing we fear most as a teen mom, that, you know, we're going to be alone and we're going to have to do this alone and we don't know how.
When my husband and I told my in laws that we were pregnant and my parents, I was not nearly as concerned about telling them just because we didn't have a very close relationship. And my dad's response was not that. It was most definitely not a loving, I'm going to be here for you response, but telling his. His parents, who really, for me are like your Melinda and Ronnie, they are my parents.
And I was so worried how they would respond in there. Their response was. I often say it was like the greatest act of parenting I had experienced up until that point. Because they, oh, well, we're going to be here with you. We're going to do this with you. You're not alone, and you're going to take responsibility for, you know, a new life. And their question was, when do you want to get married? So there was just an assumption we were going to get married and we'll be married 40 years. So not. Not quite catching up to you and your wife. But. But close how? When.
What is your grandson's name?
[00:18:32] Speaker B: Caleb.
[00:18:33] Speaker A: Caleb. When Caleb came into the world, what was that like for you guys?
[00:18:37] Speaker B: Yeah, it was really funny because we had my other son, Derek, who was a missionary at that time. He still works in Uganda part time and school stuff. He gave us our first grandson.
And she kind of told everybody that she was pregnant right when Esther was born. So they were born in the same year. So I literally just got the great. You know, being a grandparent is.
You can't explain it to anybody. That's not one until you become one when you see that.
And my granddaughter's name is Esther. And I just remember me and my wife thinking, that's the oldest lady's name I've ever heard in my life.
And we thought that terrible, terrible name.
But today there's nobody more Esther than Esther. And it's a perfect name. And I found out, looking up something way later, that my grandmother's middle name was Esther.
[00:19:34] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: That my dad's mom, who I didn't really know very well at all, but thought, just funny how God does things
[00:19:40] Speaker A: like that is so true.
[00:19:42] Speaker B: So we just found that out. And then all of a sudden, you know, then we had Caleb. Caleb in the same time. So in my opinion, it was no less of a letdown or anything.
I never saw it like that. I never saw, like, he was a burden or anything like that. I felt responsible to make sure that he was raised in the house. We bought a new house that had a downstairs apartment for old people for some guy's mother. But we bought the house so that her and Abigail could live right there.
[00:20:15] Speaker A: That's beautiful.
[00:20:16] Speaker B: And I did my favorite stain there as a Family, I mean, and my son's got a movie called Breadwinner. And you will see some little traditions and things in the movie that Nate does that we did. And there was nothing better than the. Here your kids pick up things that you, you've tried to teach them and everything.
We do things a little bit. I just remember growing up that Santa Claus, the only gifts you got was from Santa Claus. You didn't get anything else. And there was a couple years in my growing up as a kid that Santa Claus didn't bring me anything because my mom said I wasn't good enough. I mean, so I had five brothers and sisters. I have to watch them play and go and everything. And I had zero. Not nobody should do that to their child.
[00:21:07] Speaker A: No.
[00:21:07] Speaker B: And, but I said that I wanted them to know that. I mean that. So in my house, you get up, Santa Claus would bring two or three gifts unwrapped. And that's how you knew right away those are the ones that Santa bought me. And then the rest of them I wanted, you know, I wanted Nathan to give Abigail her gift and Derek to do. And we all, we would do that after breakfast and stuff like that. And I just remember, you know, we shared same house kind of, but we had the same laundry room and everything coming down the steps to it and to Caleb's room and then Abigail's room. I just remember her telling her telling Caleb one time, no, no, no, Santa only brings three gifts. And then, I mean, it was. You just go, wow.
[00:21:53] Speaker A: The traditions, the things we build into our kids lives are so important.
[00:21:57] Speaker B: It just met the world, you know, that I did some things right.
[00:22:02] Speaker A: You sure? You sure did some things right. I will say you absolutely did some things right. And it's so. And it, it's.
The things that you're talking about are the, the exact things we teach our mamas, like how to build traditions and honor those traditions within your home and what that means to your kids and what kind of structure that brings to their life. Right.
But so maybe moving a little bit into. I listened to one bit that your son Nate did about you and your wife being Christians and raising kids as the most Christians. The most Christian parents in the world were the 80s and 90s Christians. I actually had to go home and apologize to my children after watching that bit because my kids, I'm like, guys, did you know 80s and 90s Christians? Like, we were the most Christian parents? And they're like, yeah, mom, we need counseling.
The whole Simpsons was rated R. And they were like, yeah, we Could.
[00:22:58] Speaker B: Why would you watch this? I never. I still don't. Little Bart, so mean back to his dad and does all this stuff. I go, you're not going to watch Bart.
[00:23:06] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:23:07] Speaker B: And stuff. And there's other. All these just shows that there's no need in it. And you know what? They all turned out okay. I mean, they prefer not having that. We wouldn't let them see anything. But also, as a parent and me, when I went to college, it was Triveca Nazarene College. My cousin was coaching there, and he got me in there. They had a policy when you went there that you had to sign that you wouldn't. They don't do. They didn't do movies at that time. So you had the sign saying you wouldn't do a movie. Well, I didn't. All right. I signed that.
I honored it. I just remember the day I graduated, I went and saw a movie, but I didn't see one when I was there. I never. My wife would go, let's go to the movie. Nope, not me.
But. So we.
Again, it goes back to almost trying to earn God's love. But in a way, I just wanted to be the best Christian, you know, I didn't want. Not that I thought we were going to be condemned to hell if I let him watch Simpsons or do anything, but I just didn't. I just wanted them to have the right view of life and what is important and. And all of that stuff. And I didn't think anything about it.
[00:24:09] Speaker A: I had no idea that I was setting him up for. You know, the other kids at school are making fun of them because they don't get to watch. I'm like, well, it wasn't that bad. You guys got to read Harry Potter. We had friends who wouldn't let their
[00:24:19] Speaker B: kids read Harry Potter.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: My son said, look, I didn't have
[00:24:22] Speaker B: to deal with Harry Potter. It would have been. But I love those books myself.
[00:24:26] Speaker A: Me too.
[00:24:26] Speaker B: I always felt like I was Harry Potter.
[00:24:28] Speaker A: Oh, I love it.
[00:24:30] Speaker B: Yeah, it is the same. There's no. There's no reason. And that. Especially, like, I wouldn't let them watch scary movies. And then they're going to be up all night and be scared and everything and. And. And have fear. So why would you do that to them? But it wasn't being mean. But I know when they go to school, they go, wow, Friday the 13th was great. And he goes, what is that?
[00:24:51] Speaker A: Yes. I have a son named Nate as well.
My Nate could totally relate to your Nate. And he's like, yeah, I went to a sleepover and something called Urban Legends, and he didn't tell us. It was some scary movie. And he didn't tell us because he wasn't allowed to watch those kinds of shows. And about a week later, he'd been having nightmares. He was, I don't know, 12, maybe 11 or 12. And he's like, mom, I just got to tell you, I watched this movie, and I know I'm going to be in trouble. And I'm like, son, I think you did enough damage to your own self. You've been having nightmares for a week. I don't have to punish you.
[00:25:24] Speaker B: That's perfect. Awesome story.
[00:25:27] Speaker A: You know, the thing I think, is that listening to you talk about being a dad and kind of looking back, there's always going to be things you. We look back as parents and wish we had done differently, for sure.
But I can say we were doing the best we could. And I say this to our teen mamas sometimes, too. I don't know that it's that my dad didn't love me or, you know, my mom didn't love me enough to protect me from my dad, but they didn't love me as well as they could have or should have. And for our mamas, they weren't necessarily.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: They don't know how.
[00:25:59] Speaker A: Yeah, it's possible. They don't know how.
And I did.
I listened to a little bit of another podcast that you were on and, you know, talking about your mom and kind of toward the end of her life, and if you're open to talking about that, that was such a beautiful.
I thought that was just such a beautiful example of grace and forgiveness and mercy, kind of for the things that we, you know, we suffered as kids, and you suffered as a kiddo.
You've shared some stories that make me want to cry for you.
[00:26:30] Speaker B: Well, yeah. And see, that's the thing. I don't.
I hate when I tell stories, and it makes me cry. I cry when I see other. I see somebody crying. I think, oh, my God, they're getting beat. But they're doing the same things, and it makes me cry. But. But my story is not a sad story. I mean, it ends as a great story and everything in it, and it's, you know, and again, like, I'm. But it is my story, and it is kind of what it happens. And there's thousands of young ladies out there that has 10 times worse than I have ever had.
But I ran away from. When I ran away from home, and all that was Happening and stuff like that. I just remember.
But then I become a Christian and you're supposed to forgive and do all that stuff. So I bring.
My mom doesn't. Didn't know Abigail. Maybe met her a couple of times or Derek never was around him. Really close. Came would come visit my brother right down the street from me, but not ever come see our family.
[00:27:24] Speaker A: Oh, gosh.
[00:27:25] Speaker B: And she was never. She never knew my kids and. But when Nathan young, I took him there one time and my brothers was there with his kids there. And it was Christmas, so I thought, I'm going to go home. I need to be a Christian. I need to go forgive her and just go be there. And she gave them a pair. Gave him a pair of socks for Christmas. And she gave my brother's kids Nintendo games and all this. I mean, spend hundreds of dollars probably back then. But I just remember that feeling. My gut just went down and, oh, my God, she's doing it to him, which he did to me. And I'm not going to allow that.
[00:28:02] Speaker A: Right.
[00:28:03] Speaker B: And so I felt like I had to stand up and say, like, you know, I tried to forgive you, but I don't have to like you and I'm not going to let you do this.
And I walked away almost 12 years without ever, ever talking to her again.
And even after that, we never could quite. We never connected. We never talked or anything like that.
And, you know, I. I remember some different things. She. She just talked bad about me, my. My faith. And she's, you know, everything there was. She told my brothers and sisters. I always. She would tell them that I didn't like them. I wasn't seeing them either, and I wasn't doing anything. They always said he. They think they're better than you and all this stuff. No, we just. I just didn't want her to do what she did to me.
And so just went through a long, long time of that. I would try to go visit her some and later on, but never more than. I mean, I drive three hours in less than five minutes. And she was in a nursing home. She would always have to go to the bathroom, excuse herself and say goodbye.
And I remember the first time that I've come a Christian. I made the mistake. I go home and I tell my mom, hey, you're going to hell. You are dead. Everybody's going. I was going to hell. You're going to hell. You got to accept Christ and the wrong way.
[00:29:31] Speaker A: There's a way to share.
When I became a Christian, I'm much the same Told my sister, like, you gotta ask Jesus in your heart or else it's over. That didn't work.
[00:29:40] Speaker B: No, it doesn't. And that turned everybody against them. And then I can remember telling her I was going to come home for Christmas another time, and. And my mom told my sister if I come, she won't come. So even my sisters and them say, you can't come, not be a part of Christmas.
[00:29:58] Speaker A: So.
[00:29:58] Speaker B: So we never did, ever, ever did do that. And unfortunately, she didn't know.
So then, anyway, she ends up marrying another guy, and he's very abusive to her and beat her up a lot and did different things. She. I mean, she just had. She was in a cycle of just terrible choices and things that she made, and she ends up in a nursing home.
Covid comes, she breaks a bone. She goes in her left foot and has to go to the hospital. But when they come back, this is when our government said we should put COVID patients in nursing homes.
[00:30:29] Speaker A: Right.
[00:30:30] Speaker B: And so they wouldn't let her go back to the room till they put her in there for a week. She catches Covid, and she would die real soon.
But. So my sister calls. My sister at that time was the only other believer in our family.
And I always owe her an apology and stuff, because I ran away.
[00:30:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:50] Speaker B: I left. And I ended up having Ronnie, and my life turned out pretty good. I ended up going to college. I did everything that I should have never done, but I left my sister and I left all of them there. I thought mom hated me. And I didn't realize that she had mental problems and she was hurt and she was damaged, and she would. Of course, she would do it to everybody else.
I never checked on her, and I'm sorry for that. And she probably treated Cindy way worse than she ever did me. And. And she did all my sisters, all my pregnancies. And my one sister got pregnant when she was 14, had the baby at 15, and my mom made her marry the guy. And he was horrible to her and horrible and all of that. One sister got pregnant at 16.
So my brother had a scholarship to play football, Notre Dame. His girlfriend gets pregnant, he loses everything. W.
But I see it now as. We all had to get out.
[00:31:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:49] Speaker B: That was their way of getting out of that house.
[00:31:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:52] Speaker B: And so I don't blame any of them.
[00:31:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:55] Speaker B: But, you know, when you live in it, you don't see it. And I. And I didn't because I ran away. I was gone, and I just left there with all that stuff.
So she's A Christian. And she calls me and says, God told me to tell you to go meet you. Go talk to Mom. She's not. She may not make it through this.
And of course I go, well, then God needs to tell me that he hasn't told me anything, but he was using her. And then just got serious. So I go up there and you couldn't go in the hospitals and all that stuff, but you had to have special permission and this. So I just go early in the morning. I go up. It's a three hour drive away from me. I get there right when they're kind of changing guards. And there's a guy there with a clipboard and he's looking and I'm first. There's a big line behind me. And he goes, all right, who you see and what's your name? And I couldn't even remember my mom's name. She remarried and so I used the old name, you know, bargetsy. And I said, I'm Bargetzi. So I figured that might help that we had the same name. And he goes, he's looking. And he goes, how do you spell? And then I go, just like it sounds.
And he gets frustrated. The man behind me is getting frustrated and everybody's doing it, so just some young kid. And he goes, go in. So I just remember going, wow, look at God. He didn't. I mean, I shouldn't be able to do this. And I'm walking in and I'm getting to go see my mom. And all the way up these steps, I'm thinking this could be her last days for sure. And she would die the next day. And I didn't know that at that time, but I thought she get the. He's given her a chance to apologize, to tell me she's sorry, that she's sorry for what she did to me, that she's sorry for the things she said. She's sorry for never knowing my kids and sorry for not paying attention to me or anything. That she missed a great life.
And me and her children, her grandkids, and that we would just hug and grate and go, I can forgive you and all of this stuff.
And as soon as I stepped in and saw her, she was hooked up to the machines and breathing for her and everything. She saw me.
I knew right away it wasn't going to happen.
And I also knew that's not why I was there.
And God took me there to tell her I'm sorry.
And I. For the. I always understood Grace.
[00:34:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:32] Speaker B: Because if it wasn't for the grace of God, we wouldn't be here and all of that.
But my mom, at that time, she needed mercy.
And mercy is given forgiveness for when someone's not even asking for it.
[00:34:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: They don't even know they need it.
And yet you have to forgive someone that don't care. I mean, that might not ever admit what they did and how they hurt you or anything like that. Like that. But they just need your mercy and everything. And I just. I just remember going up to her and she was wide awake but couldn't speak. But I just said, mom, I'm so sorry that I wasn't a better son, that I wasn't who you thought I should be.
But I want you to know I turned out okay. And God is great and. And I told her about my kids and everything like that, and.
And I just say, please, can you ever forgive me for not making you a part of my life? I should have made, you know, my children I should have made. And Nathan was doing pretty good at this time and.
But she didn't know. She'd never seen or any. Anything like that. She had no idea his faith, what he's doing and what Abigail's doing great. She's working in for the vets and Derek was a missionary. Everything was awesome. And she didn't know none of this.
And I just remember telling.
We don't know each other. We really didn't get off everything right. But if you pray now and ask Christ to forgive you like I had to do.
[00:36:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:06] Speaker B: That we will have all eternity to get to hang out.
And I believe she did. And I prayed the prayer salvation with her. And she cried and cried and I could see and we just held hands and everything in it. And the next morning my sister would go and do almost the same thing to her share again her faith and everything with her. And she would die that afternoon.
[00:36:28] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:36:29] Speaker B: And so. But I learned a great deal about grace and mercy. We all need grace. It's hard to give mercy sometimes. My mom needed mercy.
[00:36:40] Speaker A: That's beautiful. And I. You know, we encourage our teen mamas to listen to this show and of course, we hope lots of others listen to it as well. But I think that's just a universal message. Message that, you know, a lot of us grew up with families that were that really struggled or parents that really struggled. And that ability to give mercy is. And what a beautiful way to describe it that it's, you know, it is unearned and it is exactly what Jesus gives us. I mean, you Know, back in the day, I thought the same thing. You had to follow the rules, and that's how you were a good Christian.
You know, I could see where my husband didn't become a Christian for later because he thought, gosh, that sounds so boring. I'm gonna have to give it all. Give up all my music. He listened to rock and roll. Yeah.
[00:37:20] Speaker B: I went through rated R movies.
[00:37:21] Speaker A: And he's like, I don't want to give all that up. This is going to be boring. But, you know, learning that that's really not what it's about, and that we can't earn. There's nothing we can do to earn the love and forgiveness of Jesus. He just gives it to us. We just have to accept it. And your mom just got to accept that gift from you. That was a beautiful gift for you to be able to give her. I'm glad that you got that opportunity to.
[00:37:43] Speaker B: It was great.
[00:37:44] Speaker A: Have that moment with her.
So, turning the subject just a little bit, maybe you could tell us a little bit about your work and what you do. And, you know, you've shared a lot of really tender and intimate things. But I know also you love to make people laugh, and you're pretty darn good at making people laugh.
[00:38:03] Speaker B: It goes back to that teacher telling every day. I just knew.
Doing that play when I was 17 years old, and when I would dance around in my underwear or whatever it was, everybody laughed. You know, it was a very funny scene, very funny part. I did it really well because I didn't care. And I just remember hearing that laugh that I was not being made fun of because I can't talk or that I'm stupid or anything else. I wouldn't be made fun of. It was a great laugh, and I knew I wanted to. Somehow I felt like, this is what I want to do.
I want to hear that laugh the rest of my life. I want to do things that make people laugh and do it. And I just happened to be in a McDonald's, and Ronald McDonald were doing a show. The local guy's name was Tom Hart. And I remember going up to him.
It was back in Nashville. I had already run away and was living with Ronnie. And he did a trick that I do still do. I actually tore a newspaper up and put it back together. And I just remember thinking, I do know this. I remember that I treated him. There was other kids there and other people there talking to him. And he's a clown. So some of the old, tougher teenagers acting off. Yeah, you're making fun I did not. And because of that, he took the time, the way you treat people and everything. I was very kind. I said, I don't know how you do this. Are you real magic?
And he said, no, you can just learn. I go, I would love to learn how to do that. And he said, well, there's some good books. And then I don't know what I did, but he goes, but I did something. Must have done something with my father face or something, because he goes, what's wrong? Like, oh, I'm not a very good reader.
And he goes, okay. He goes, tell you what, hang on. And after the show, he no longer run on McDonald. He still left that way, but in the back he showed me how to hide a card behind my hand. And he said, if you can do this, you can do anything I did in my show.
And next week I'll be at this McDonald's or whatever. You come and see me and we'll talk. And so, man, I mean, I was married, but I tell my wife I was doing that trick everywhere we went. And I would love to go to London, like Kohl's, a different store that have the wee mirror so you can get in there and see it. I could do the trick and say, you can't see it. So the whole time he's doing the trick in the next show, I'm in the back standing there doing that trick, saying, look at me, I can do it. But we just became great friends. And he taught me everything I needed to know about magic and helped me. And then. And I used books to read. And still it was the only way to learn by then.
And so it helped me. He was a math teacher. And so math, A lot of math. That kind of thinking. It's the same part of the brain that uses magic. You're. You're solving problems. How do you people not know this? So if you're good at math, you're a great magician.
[00:41:00] Speaker A: Oh, I did not know.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: And so if it wasn't for him and me doing that and having the magic books, I would have. I had never read a book in my life at that time. I remember back then, I read the Hobbit.
[00:41:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:14] Speaker B: And that was my great first book I read. Took me forever. Then you find out the seven more books that go with it. That was disappointing. But they were great. But I kind of taught myself to read and to do that and got word. You know, it's like I couldn't do it, but I learned to do it.
[00:41:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:31] Speaker B: And I. And I learned how to stay awake and reading and not fall asleep. And I learned how to figure out some words then without looking up every word you have to see. And some words I just say, I just made up. It didn't matter. Just skip it and go on.
Eventually, I would learn all of this. If it wasn't for all of that, I would have never gone to college and never able to do that. My last two. Two years in college, I had 4.0.
I wasn't stupid.
[00:41:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:59] Speaker B: I just had to have people. But I do remember when I first went to college, I had nothing to lose.
And so I remember, remember. So I. I had no fear going up to the teacher and going, I don't get anything. You just thought, yeah, I don't get it. And luckily for me, my cousin was the basketball coach and had a lot of respect in that college. And so they. These teachers would go, all right, I'm going to find somebody and I'm going to do something. They'd make sure I found out a way. So a lot of it was finding another student that would take the time I might have to show them a bunch of magic tricks, but do something to make them like me so that they would explain this. This thing to me and that I could. I could get it. And so. And I could say that my wife didn't write any of my papers, but maybe she did, maybe she didn't. But we both got. We got out of there.
[00:42:51] Speaker A: We got out of college.
Oh, that's so awesome. And how now was. I mean, were you. Were you funny with the kids?
[00:42:59] Speaker B: Like, yeah, you know what?
I'm really kind of a smart Alec when you see my show.
[00:43:05] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:43:05] Speaker B: And that started because I was at. My first job doing magic was at Opryland. And one thing that my cousin Ron Barghesi, that told me, he said I was spending all my money on magic trick trying I wanted. I had to buy every secret. You had to buy secrets and books to learn it. And I hated not knowing something.
So he told me, he goes, you're spending too much money. He goes, you can't buy any more magic unless you make money with magic.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: Ooh, good, Good one.
[00:43:32] Speaker B: Great point. So I could develop a birthday party for little kids, and we'll get $100 for a show with like a million to me. And then so I would do that, and I got. While doing four or five a week on a Saturday and do some. And I would work all I can. Then I got a job at Opryland.
And back then, I was very Nice and sweet.
[00:43:54] Speaker A: You're not nice and sweet anymore.
[00:43:57] Speaker B: What happened was the kid, there was another magician, we would share the weather during the summer. So I would do some shows and he would do some shows. And then he got very, he, he got very lucky because his grandmother died and my grandmother was doing well. And so he quit. He got to quit.
And there was like three weeks left. And so I go, they go, you have to do every show. I had to show up every day and finish out the season. And I thought, I want to quit. And they said, you can't quit. And I learned signing contracts and you got to read those things.
[00:44:31] Speaker A: You got to read.
[00:44:32] Speaker B: So I was obligated to finish out this thing.
So I go home and I'm really depressed and I tell my wife, I go, I can't quit. They won't let me quit. And she goes, well then make them fire you because she's way smarter than me. And so I go, how can I make them fire me? I go, you know what, I'll just be mean to kids.
[00:44:51] Speaker A: Oh geez.
[00:44:52] Speaker B: If I'm mean to them, they have to fire me because I'm supposed to be doing a kid's show.
But it turns out that I had them on the most popular shows in there. Kids love to be teased. And kid it's playing, I'm not. Of course I don't hate kids. I tell them I hate, I might say, I don't like you. And one of the biggest tricks I sell out there in the market is called I hate kids. But kids know I don't. Some adults maybe they think wonder, I wonder if he really hates kids. But no, I always tell, you know, this is a comic thing. You don't see a lot of comics really funny guys. You're starting to now because it's popular with beards.
If you do kid stuff, you can't have a beard.
Cause they can't tell you're kidding. They don't see the smile. They don't see this unless you're bald headed. Cause then they might see it in your forehead. Yeah, yeah, right. So there's something, it's hard to tell, but when I tell a kid, I don't, you know, look, I'm way smarter than you.
It's just almost a natural thing. I'm touching him on the shoulder, I'm doing something, he knows right away that I'm kidding and I'll try to get him to fight back with me and then go, so when you see my show, you think he's a little Bit of a smart aleck. But it all developed from me trying to get fired. And then the show just became so much popular. Then I wanted. I finally got. Nathan was 12, and I was getting. I'm too old to keep putting makeup on.
I looked just like Ronald McDonald. And if you look at Nathan's first album, it's called Yelled at by a Clown.
It's me and Nathan. And Nathan's about three in that picture. Picture. And. But that's my clown. I looked just like Ronald McDonald because I copied my friend. I would go. So I was probably illegally Ronald McDonald, but made my own wig and did everything. And the clown was great because I had the perfect voice for a clown. Clowns can talk funny. So that allowed me to hide behind, you know, other clowns would ask me, how you doing your voice? And I said, get a dog.
But job. But it made it easy. Eventually I just took the makeup off just for convenience. I love hard and close up magic and just kind of changed and started working clubs and just started working more and more. And eventually I ended up getting a job with Tennessee Secondary School Athletic association, which is like the NCAA of high school.
And they asked me to go in the schools and tell my story about bullying and kid being picked on as a kid. And I would actually go in and find a football player or somebody that can take it. And I just tell him, look, I'm gonna make fun of you the whole show. We're gonna do this. So right from the beginning, I'm picking on this guy, and he's the toughest guy in the room. And if he laughs, they're gonna laugh, and everybody sees it. And then. So, I mean, I'm calling him dumb and stupid and everything, but every joke's on him, and I'm fooling him with tricks. And the tricks are really good, so I'm fooling everybody. And. But then at the end, I could talk to them about.
Wonder if he was in special ed like I was. And one if he had trouble. And one of he this. And then I did all these jokes. Can you see the difference?
When do you, you know, how do we earn the right to make fun? And when does it cross the line? And I would talk about bullying and teasing, but I also talked about alcohol and drugs with. Because of my father and the things that I got involved in when I was young. So I did that for 27 years.
[00:48:22] Speaker A: Oh, wow.
[00:48:22] Speaker B: And spoke to almost a million and a half kids just in the state of Tennessee. It was a free program for all high school students.
[00:48:30] Speaker A: That's amazing.
[00:48:30] Speaker B: And so again, and I was hired for that very purpose. You know, just the director was a believer and it was kind of. He goes, this is going to sound really weird because you're not allowed to do this in high school, but I want your testimony and I want you to go and share people. You know, I wasn't allowed to say Jesus Christ. Christ.
[00:48:51] Speaker A: Right.
[00:48:52] Speaker B: But I could.
The believers need to demonstrate. Yes, you're right. So it was a great part. So it allowed me to do that. And plus they, they were very gracious. I was still allowed to free on my weekends and I could do this.
[00:49:06] Speaker A: Nice.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: And then when in the meanwhile, Nathan is doing some stuff. So I started working with him some and he would come and open for me and then I would open for him.
And everything's changed now with his family.
He has so many jokes about me and his dad being a magician that I get a stain ovation just by walking out there and being there, because it's like he's real.
People don't realize, but everybody could tell you they're all true stories, you know, everything that happens, happens. Nathan's not as funny as you think. He just reports true stories.
So I forgot my point here. So Nathan is. Oh, so we're just telling the stories and opening for him. And so they would go crazy that I'm there.
Then they don't think I'm going to be good. They think I'm going to be a father. Like, yeah, his dad does tricks. But then when I realize that I'm not bad, I get another Stay Novation before I leave. So it's been really cool and opening up. I always just with my kids, I mean, so Nathan does what I do on such a higher level and way better. He's way smarter and calmer than I ever was.
Derek, my other son, that was a missionary and he worked with kids. He always, he's doing what I always thought I should do. I always felt like, you know, why did I go through all of this stuff? I feel like I should be ministering and helping. It's like what you guys are doing, I should be involved in stuff like this and be using my talent to help other people that already went where we went, we walked.
[00:50:40] Speaker A: And that's what it did for 27 years with all those million kids. Look at you.
[00:50:45] Speaker B: Look at you.
And so he's who I should be. And Abigail is what's right in life and everything. I wanted to be as strong as she is. And she worked for the veterans for years and with people like that, her heart. She's always has a beautiful heart and doing the right things, very smart and stuff. Now she works for Nathan and good luck with that.
And she's my new. And I kind of. I thought I retired about four years ago. I thought I'm done.
But I found out I can't be done. I gotta keep doing stuff. So Abigail's taken over as my manager now, and it's awesome.
[00:51:29] Speaker A: Oh. So she's great with you. But good luck to Nate.
[00:51:34] Speaker B: I'll be in trouble for something I said here today. I don't know.
[00:51:37] Speaker A: I love it. Well, once again, I cannot wait to meet Abigail.
It's such a joy to get to hear your story.
[00:51:44] Speaker B: We were all over the place, though.
[00:51:47] Speaker A: You know, we're kind of all over the place at Hope House. We talk a lot about how much flexibility you have to have if you're going to work with teenage moms. And apparently if you're going to work with talented magicians and funny men.
[00:51:59] Speaker B: Well, I can't tell you how impressed I am with everything you did. And I know because I know life, that it's so much a God thing that you could see that his hand and everything just going through how you guys got started and what you're doing and what you're doing and the people that God has brought here to help these young ladies. And I hope that. I hope you just understand as a single mom that there is a purpose. You do have a purpose. You have a story. Even if it's just to share your story with someone else that's going through what you do, someone that's a little behind where you are. They just need to hear that you can come out on the other side, that there is hope and stuff. Bottom line, you've got that.
[00:52:43] Speaker A: Wow. Well, you just stole. My last question was to ask you if you'd given encouragement to our teen mommas and you were already ahead of sharing it. So then I'll go to another one. I know you have something special coming up that you want to share about.
[00:52:55] Speaker B: I don't know. Yeah, I have to read it because I just found out about it myself. But there's this. I have a Nathan and Abigail and Derek, my three children, a year ago for. For Christmas. I'm so hard to buy for. So they say. We wanted to give you your own TV special that would make it.
[00:53:16] Speaker A: What?
[00:53:16] Speaker B: And so Abigail worked as a producer, her and Derek, and they did tons of work. And Nathan came in and he actually paid for all that. Make sure everything was done and we did it. And I really think.
I'm not concerned if anybody watches it. I just wanted for my. I take all the photographs in our family, so I'm not in a lot of them. So I think they need some kind of proof at my casket that I did stuff. They can just run this on a loop and say, see, he did work.
[00:53:46] Speaker A: He did.
[00:53:47] Speaker B: He actually had the job. But it's supposed to be come out on June 18 this year and it's going to come out on Nateland Entertainment YouTube page.
[00:53:57] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:53:58] Speaker B: So Nathan. And if you don't know about that, I mean that's a great thing to just go look on there if you like good clean comedy.
[00:54:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:54:04] Speaker B: And everybody there has to pass the Nateland kind of test and everything.
I try to think there's one that's come out there. It's called Pete.
Pete and I, me and Pete.
It's about a guy whose brother is severely autistic. And it's one of the best specials I ever seen.
Graham. Graham K is his name. Go to that one first. You will love that special.
[00:54:33] Speaker A: Go to that one first and then go straight to yours.
[00:54:35] Speaker B: Then you can go to mine.
But I'm not going to read her whatever things he says. But it's a lot of my life kind of just put together in a one hour special. So you can kind of see where I'm at and what I did with my life. You might go, he wasted it. That's all. He does everything. But it has all kind of. It has. I also went back since it was kind of a thing. I did tricks that I actually started with in Hopperland. So I showed that and then the progress and then I showed the trick that made me the famous in the magic world and took me all over the world. The straight jacket of death and stuff in there. Wow. Okay. And so don't get your hopes up. But it's in there.
[00:55:19] Speaker A: My hopes are up. It's too late.
[00:55:21] Speaker B: But I, I'm. I'm just very proud to have that chance to.
For them to take the time and do that.
[00:55:30] Speaker A: Well, we will definitely promote that on the show. And I think in the show notes we can put the channel.
[00:55:39] Speaker B: Yes, he will. That's it. My. My daughter's texting me right now. She's pulling. I want to be off here now. But she said I want to read it exactly as she spent the time to write it so that you would do it.
[00:55:50] Speaker A: Okay, you read that.
[00:55:51] Speaker B: So it says out in a minute is a heartfelt and hilariously Unpredictable magic special from Steve Barrietzi. Old school illusion. Quick witted crowd work and deeply personal stories from a lifetime in show business.
And so it is some of this I said in my way, not her way, but one minute. Oh, I got to read this last one. That's out in a minute. Premieres just ahead of Father's Day weekend. Celebrating one of the comics most beloved fathers. I don't believe that. And family Storyteller. This is my first special ever. And what better way than debut?
It don't look like that word. But then with his family, productive company so, so involved that all of my kids had kind of done this and put it together.
[00:56:41] Speaker A: I can't wait to see it. We're going to have to show this. We're going to play this with our mamas because at Hope House, laughter's the best medicine because you know, you're dealing with hard stuff in life and you dealt with a lot of hard stuff in life and we even have it in our culture statement at Hope House. You have to have a little bit of silliness every day. So I can't wait to show the
[00:56:57] Speaker B: special, the movie Breadwinner. It will be good for your, for your moms. This kind of sees. It's a story where Nathan has to take over the role of her mother. And it'll help you to give, it helps to give grace to your parents sometimes because they, you know, most dads actually do something really good and they try that, you know, you're asking somebody to do something that they're so out of the they can't do and sometimes being the right kind of father or the it's hard to do well, definitely
[00:57:28] Speaker A: watch Breadwinners as well. And I will finish by saying just listening to you and certainly hearing, you know, a little bit from your children just through this story. You're such a good dad.
Good job.
[00:57:40] Speaker B: You're so kind.
[00:57:41] Speaker A: It was so good to be with you.
[00:57:42] Speaker B: I would have loved to be your father.
[00:57:45] Speaker A: You know, that would have been maybe good.
Oh, well, it's just a blessing to get to meet you. It's a blessing to, to be with you, to hear your story.
Thank you for sharing. Thank you for the, the magic and the joy that you bring into the world.
[00:58:00] Speaker B: Thanks for making me cry.
[00:58:02] Speaker A: And you're welcome. You come back and I'll make you cry anytime. That's why I have people that are after me because, you know, know your daughter gets on you. People get on me. I'm always making people cry. Steven.
[00:58:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:58:12] Speaker A: Thanks for being here. Sir.
[00:58:13] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:58:24] Speaker A: About you.
Oh, precious. So.
The things I didn't know. The things I. I didn't know about you.
About you.
